I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
