I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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