Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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