do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
