There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
