I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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