She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
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You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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