The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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