in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
