You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
