She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
