The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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