Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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