i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize