i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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