Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
