so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We're like a lot better than the average bears
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
