his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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