hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
