It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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