you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
