after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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