Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
