$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month