girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE