I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite