Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.