Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's