you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
