we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?