this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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