it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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