I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
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YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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