hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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