all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
