do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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