i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
