he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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