she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
