I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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