apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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