there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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