Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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