Duck Duck Cougar?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
