I'm so fucking centered right now
i think i have two assholes
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
