imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
