It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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