We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
