My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
