So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
