All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
