I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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