haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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