every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
