he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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