my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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