So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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