People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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