I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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