So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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