I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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