the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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