i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
