Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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