Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
