Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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